MAY 22 2022
SNAKE MOUNTAIN - LONG HAI
Hares: Mr. T, Chippy, Have-A-Chat, Secs, Bull Ant
Hash Flashers: Have-A-Chat, Chom Chom, Chippy
Ringmaster: Rain Stopped Play
Local man, Damien 'Faulty Brakes’ Moran, promised all people considering attending this week’s Hash run that there would be guaranteed good weather and clear skies. Confirming this as false advertising, a biblical downpour of torrential rain with cracks of thunder greeted the #1009 participants on arrival.
Earlier panic buying of rain gear during a bus stop by shrewd Hashers proved to be a flex, and unsubstantiated reports came in of 1000% profiteering by scalpers on their hawking of this PPE. The downpour awaited full disembarkation of the bus to commence and the fashion parade, (led by Mr. T and Jenny), of drowned rats perambulated up the steep incline with initial gusto. This display of Hasher motivation by Chom Chom soon waned after turning the first corner. Storming up the hill (in an actual rainstorm), was Chippy who provided the photographic evidence of the day’s events in such a manner that would give any professional paparazzi a good run for their money.
A truly family event meant there were loads of children, some wondering what wrong they had done during the week to be punished by such a forced military-style march. The winding tarmac road up the hill turned into a mud path and bush trail. A well-marked route to the tiled altar at top was taken by most, but some took the road less taken, ensuring early arrival for the delicious food that awaited the hashers.
The marked downward path took us through jungle to farmland, one eyewitness report alleges grand theft of mango fruit (six in number) from trees by an unnamed Hasher ….(Have-A-Chat), authorities would not comment as criminal investigations continue but it is likely the evidence has been eaten. Bull Ant exhibited his LGBTQ+ credentials by forming a close personal and physical bond with the hermit man who lives banished near the top of the mountain. All concerned were relieved that no children on the Hash witnessed the outrageous and gratuitous public display of affection. It has not been established if Bull Ant has returned since the end of the Hash to continue smooching with hermit man. Stuart and Faulty Brakes took a shorter route to return ‘to protect’ the Saigon Beer stocks, this caused untold anxiety amongst the other Hashers, but to their great relief there were some cans still remaining on their return from the mountain.
At the meeting point, eyewitnesses claimed the world record for longest distance of a bus reversing down a road was achieved by our driver to great acclaim by the Hashers. The unmistakable shrill tones of a disciplinarian dean of studies, in this case, Have-A-Chat exclaiming ‘photo’ had all scrambling to secure their place in the middle of the road to block traffic. Several local motorbike riders were slightly confused to turn a corner coming down a hill to find foreigners conducting what appeared to be a political demonstration. Our valiant representative of our alcoholic beverage sponsor ‘Saigon beer’ encouraged drinkers and boosted consumption with rounds of cheers and chugging. Secs marvelled bus riders with his magic trick of plunging his hand into the Eskie of ice with one swift movement and securing cans of his beloved Chill where no man could before could located such a beverage. Each time this was demonstrated Bull Ant looked like he was ready for the home for the bewildered.
On the way back to VT the bus driver’s ability to overtake on wet roads and blind corners impressed all onboard. All arrived in good spirits at Tommy’s Bar and Hashers later celebrated with all of Vietnam in their success at football championships. This writer as a returnee explained his long absence from the Hash as due to a global pandemic and necessity to earn a living. This mediocre excuse was summarily rejected by the committee and a yet to be determined fine will be enforced.
RUN 1009 GALLERY
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